If you thought the last chapter was bad, just wait….
You may have had rough patches in your relationship or it is/was smooth, but for me… *ish was always rocky. No matter what turn I made, dating Marc was like being in an on and off again traffic. I never knew when things would just sail smoothly. I was 20 when I got the news… let me back up some.
At 20 years old, I worked at Target with my mom, in a different department. I made some pretty cool friends and I enjoyed working there. It was my escape from my reality. One day, some of my work friends were being very distant and I knew something was wrong, but wasn’t sure what. I had this weird feeling that I was coming up in conversations. You know that feeling? Especially when people keep looking at you.
A few days went by and TA-DA!!! My name was traveling around Target, and fast. My mom broke the news to me after she got off from work one night… a rumor that Marc got someone PREGNANT!!! How embarrassing was that? How embarrassing is that? My own mother knew the rumor before I did. So you can imagine how I felt, all the emotions running through my body and soul. It was late at night when I called Marc and asked him, “Did you get someone pregnant?” He and I fought and yelled and FINALLY… he confessed that he “heard” that some female was saying it was his baby, but he wasn’t sure. The natural thing to do is to hang up AND that’s exactly what I did. This was the first time, as an adult that I cried like a baby . As my phone was ringing over and over, my mom was holding me and crying with me. Every inch of my body was weak and I was hurting. I can’t even remember how long I cried for. I told Marc, we were done.
Days went by, I was weak and disgusted. Marc called me over and over again, popped up at my house and begged for forgiveness. Secretly, I took him back. I was embarrassed. My mom already said that she did NOT want him at her house. My mom always knew Marc wasn’t the one for me. She expressed her worries and I knew she was right, but I wanted to see the good in him. I wanted to make US work. Marc claimed that it was a one night stand, but reminiscing on his patterns, it wasn’t.
Marc hid so many things from me when dealing with the other woman, but what hurt was the fact that he couldn’t even tell me that he was there; in the delivery room. Not only that, but he never bothered to get a DNA test. Here I was, broken, suicidal and lost. I couldn’t grasp the fact that someone I loved could stab me in my back. My mind was all over the place and I started to think the most evil things I never even thought of. Every baby I saw in public made me sick to my stomach. I wondered if “that” was “his” baby. I wanted the WHOLE situation to go away. I knew it was wrong to think that way, so I prayed and prayed for forgiveness. I wasn’t ready to meet his daughter (I met her when she was 9 months old). I hated her, I hated her mother and I hated him, but… still yet, I stayed.
Lesson to learn
For those who are experiencing a similar situation or can relate, please WALK… there is nothing good coming from your relationship after this point. Not only because of him/her, but because YOU will never be the same THERE. Surround yourself around positive people, practice your faith and occupy your time with something of value. You are worthy!
For those on the other side of the fence; one thing I learned, from my own experience is that people make their own decisions and “WE” have to let people learn from their own mistakes. Just be a shoulder to lean on when they need you. Don’t tell someone they’re stupid or they can do better. 9 times out of 10, we (including the old me) know this. WE just don’t know our worth yet.
You are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out.