Finally! My “Chance” to get away!!!
Marc choked. Not literally (secretly wishing he did at that time), but metaphorically. He couldn’t take it, so he bought a ticket to California. Before he purchased his one way ticket, we discussed him visiting family for two weeks only. Well, what a shocker right? He stayed the whole summer and then some. One night, two nights, three nights, four… I cried myself to sleep and the only thing that helped was drinking and going out. Here I was, still living in the dark, filled with hatred and hurt. The only thing running through my head was, “how could he just leave me AND his baby?” He fell into depression and vanished, but what about me? What about how I felt? At this point I was FINALLY turning 21. Let me back up some….Marc was very jealous of me having male friends, so in order to keep the peace, I stopped ALL communication with ALL my guy friends.
I ran into an old friend, someone I was friends with before getting into that toxic relationship. We’ll call him “Chance”. Chance was the sweetest guy EVER! The guy who worked so much, but made time to see me and meet me for lunch every moment he could. Chance was just that… My “CHANCE.” I was so lucky to have him in my life all over again. When he got off from working overnight, I’d go and lay in bed with him, while he slept throughout the day. While he was at work we’d talk and text until I fell asleep. The most memorable moment I have of Chance was him driving 45 minutes, from work, on his “lunch break” just to come give me a hug and a kiss. Again, I FINALLY got my “CHANCE”.
Periodically, Marc would call me and I wouldn’t answer because I was finally moving on, or at least I thought I was. Chance and I would bring up the idea of us making it official, but I wasn’t ready. I was still hurting and I still cried many nights. I needed closure, but how? By this point, after Marc left me messages and called me for money… AND NO, I didn’t give it to him- ha, I broke it off with him verbally. I finally felt special. My friends loved Chance and my parents liked him, but they always have. Remember, I’ve known Chance for a long time.
Here I was, given a second “CHANCE” and Marc calls me apologizing and tells me that he wants to make it work. I know… I know…I screwed up. Once Marc came home, he knew something wasn’t right, I was acting odd. He asked me did I or was I having relations with someone else. I lied. I wasn’t honest because of the fear I had of him and what he was capable of doing. I finally confessed after being interrogated. A few days went by and my conversations with Chance minimized. I finally vanished and stopped answering his calls. I didn’t know how to tell him that I was going to try to work things out with Marc and that he found out about “US”.
For years, Chance was ALWAYS the topic of discussion. Marc would call me names and made me feel like I did something wrong. Yet here he was with a baby that wasn’t mine, who I finally accepted and grew to love. Our fights could have been about something so small and he’d explicitly tell me to go “fuck” Chance (pardon my french). I put up with the verbal and mental abuse for about two more years before I became verbal and even physical.
I had my CHANCE. He looked for me. He asked my friends about me. He even dropped off flowers at my job (which I don’t even remember this one). I ALWAYS thought of him for years and years. Before I got the “chance” to even give him the answer to his question, I left him hanging. His question was…. “DO YOU EVER SEE YOURSELF LOVING ME?”
LESSON TO LEARN
First off, if someone is that jealous of you having friends of the opposite sex, that’s a trust issue or even better, that’s a SELF issue. He/she is probably not the healthiest person to date and/or they’re just not being loyal themselves. Secondly, drinking alcohol excessively is not your answer to ANYTHING. Please get the proper help that you need. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for it. The first step is admitting that you have a problem. Thirdly, don’t play with people’s feelings. Take time to heal before jumping into the next “relationship/situationship.”
You are beautiful, inside and out.