Boy oh boy, once I drove off, there was no turning back. “I know, I know… I know what you’re thinking. That I went back (eye roll). Well, I DIDN’T.” I drove straight home. My phone was blowing up…1, 2, 3…..times. When I got home, my mom was in the living room waiting for me, wondering why my brother left the house so late to tend to me. She asked me what was wrong (I was crying), I told her EVERYTHING that happened. That night I cried; that was the last night. My phone didn’t stop ringing, so I turned it off. Next thing I heard was my brother knocking on my door saying that MARC was blowing his phone up with text messages and calls.
MARC was a great manipulator, but NOT good enough to KEEP my attention. He had a “female” call me to play the “I’m sorry, I thought I was calling my HUSBAND, who also has the same name” role. I told the chick that she didn’t have to help him and that she could keep him because I didn’t want TRASH anymore (it wasn’t the girl he cheated on me with). Little did I know, I was going to be in hell for the next 2 weeks. MARC popped up at my job, which my boss, at the time expressed that I needed to take care of that situation off premises (how embarrassing??). He popped up at my home in search of me and/or whoever loved me (my brother and dad). He even called my best friend’s HUSBAND trying to explain what was oh so dead to me. On top of that, I couldn’t even drive my car (at the time I had a Toyota Corolla), MARC stalked me for weeks trying to “explain”. All the calls, emails and pop ups ended once MARC decided to take his trifling ass up to my mom’s job to “express” his love for me. If there’s one person who will fight for me that I can count on, it’s my MOM. My mom put him in his grave with her words. According to the conversation they had, he wanted to MARRY ME and take me to California to start a new life. He wanted my mom to accept him, but she told him the last words that would finally make him disappear, ” If you love Kim, let her GO! She deserved BETTER!” Side note- THANK YOU MOM!
After all of the hunting me down and trying to beg me to come back, I didn’t give in. I kept busy. My family at times did annoy me lol, but it was all out of love. Thanks to K.Michelle and her music which helped me with the grieving process, oh and Keri Hilson’s song, energy. God placed people in my life at the right time to help me overcome this heartbreak. They reminded me of my worth and encouraged me to not go back, but that wasn’t going to happen- I was FED THE F UP with Marc. A few shout outs to the angels who helped me: Megan, Laury, Johanna, Zoleil, and Kalicia. You ladies are incredible! If it wasn’t for you ladies, I don’t know how I would have stayed so strong. MARC left his last farewell voicemail, which I did listen to.
The hardest part of a breakup isn’t the loving the person part, it’s the “BEING COMFORTABLE” part. I was comfortable, I didn’t know my self-worth, I didn’t love myself and I was with him for so long, that I didn’t know how to be without him. If you recall, in my first chapter, my first ex taught me those words (you can love someone and not be with them), I practiced what he preached. I forgot who I was; sad part is, I knew I didn’t want to marry Marc or even have children with him; he destroyed that sweet humble girl. Here I was in this cold world trying to be loved,but hating men, BUT still feeling like I had to be in a relationship, because that was all I knew. I hid my pain so that people would stop asking me if I was okay. I started going out A LOT; partying, drinking and went on a dating-spree. I look back and wonder how the hell did I have money to keep myself busy almost every day of the week lol. Hmmm, who knows? All I know is, I didn’t heal properly…
Lesson to be learned
Once a manipulator, always one. Be aware of those people in your life who always “turn the table” around on you. You are precious, you have support and love around you. Don’t listen to the broken promises he/she tells you. The signs are there, but it is up to you to acknowledge them. Think twice, three times, hell- just think! Think about your future with him/her and ask yourself if you see yourself with them. Know your worth, love yourself and talk about “it”. Many of us tend to not want to speak on pain, especially women/men of color. It’s okay to be sad, it’s the grieving process of things; follow theses steps and you will see the light: accept the breakup, detox and pursue self growth. JUST REMEMBER… YOU are NOT the only one who has dealt with/dealing with pain.
You are beautiful inside and out.