Chapter 9- Plenty of Fishes in the Sea

Let the dating begin…

So instead of taking time to heal, I went on a massive serial dating spree. My friends told me about POF (Plenty of Fish) and Tinder. My mentality change. I wasn’t in any place to be serious about settling down with anyone or allowing anyone to get close to me. I was in pain, but I took my pain out on other men, even good men. Yes, I said  it… GOOD men. There are some out there. I met men on these sites and allowed them take me out, even if I wasn’t interested. Then after the dates ended, I’d let them know I wasn’t interested. I learned to be cold and brutally honest (which is not healthy). Unfortunately, I don’t remember ALL of the dates I went on…but there were a few memorable ones.

POF date #1- My Very first date

After our online interaction, and getting to know each other, we made plans to go on a date. He seemed really nice and funny. I didn’t think that I’d like him, but it happened. Our first date was out to eat and to the comedy club. Perfect date, right? We laughed our asses off and he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. He was the guy everyone loved and wanted to be around (a social bug). After our first date, all I could do was smile as I drove away. Our second date was the next day. WOW! right? I thought “this could go somewhere.”  We went out to eat and went to the movies. I was fine with the movie date since we communicated well. He lived about 45 min from me, which was a concern, but we talked about it and agreed that it could work. Once the weekend was over, I received a long text that pretty much stated that he was not ready to be in a committed relationship and didn’t want to lead me on. Of course I was in shock. The dates and our conversations started playing over and over in my head. I got PLAYED. I got FRIEND ZONED. For the first time after breaking it off with my ex, I allowed someone in. I decided after this that I wouldn’t allow someone to get THAT close to me.

Memorable Tinder date-

I met this guy on tinder, who was in his mid-thirties, very handsome in pictures and seemed pretty cool. I didn’t take him serious since he gave me “I’m the shit vibes,” so that already was a turnoff, but hey, why turn down a date? I got to the sushi bar before he did, so I could have a drink to relax my nerves. No matter how many dates I went on, I couldn’t get used to the awkwardness of the initial meet. I saw him walking in and I first noticed his smile. So, about this smile of his… It wasn’t a pretty one. Not of my taste. So automatically I rejected him in my mind. BUT…what made me reject him completely was when he told me he still lived with his ex girlfriend AND…WAIT… she was pregnant. In my head I’m like wtf, see I gotta delete this app. How in the world does someone try to meet someone while having a situation going on back at home? Anyways- once we were done, he asked me when could we see each other again, and I said “honestly, you have A LOT going on, so this is it.” After I got in my car, I blocked him.

After going on several dates, and exchanging numbers, it finally hit me. I was unhappy and needed to learn to love myself again. I was battered, lost, hurt and not to mention, I was hurting others with my poor decisions. I felt that all men were out to hurt me and break my heart and that they only wanted one thing from me. So, I reversed the table and was the one playing with people’s hearts. It wasn’t fair to them, even if their intentions were wrong. This wasn’t how I was raised. This new Kim wasn’t ME; I finally understood what “hurt people, hurt people” meant. In a couple of months, after getting out of a bad relationship, every week, both weekdays and weekends I was going on dates like crazy; my parents were even concerned about me. I decided to take a break and sat down to reflect.

 

Lesson to be Learned

 

Dating can be fun, if you’re doing it the right way. State your intentions in the beginning and don’t lead people on. Karma is a bitch. If you’re just getting out of a relationship, it is important that you take time to love yourself, don’t get comfortable with the idea of having to be in a relationship. It is OK to be alone. The only way you can move on from previous pain or past relationship is NOT by rushing into something new, but to reflect on yourself. NOT all men/women are the same as your EX and NOT ALL are out to hurt you. If this is the mentality that you’re having, while dating…STOP right there and focus on dating yourself, believing in yourself and , most importantly, LOVING yourself. If you love yourself, no one can hurt you.

You are beautiful inside and out.

-Kim

 

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