Hot topic? Yep, let’s talk about it.
Have you ever been on the other side? Being the other woman/man? Not the side chick or dude, but the one who was/is in the shadow of another person? Well, I have. Instead of us taking time to heal , AND I mean like REALLY take time to heal from pain and hurt that we have endured in our previous relationship/s, we jump into another relationship or situationship thinking we will fill that void. Just by taking time to properly heal can prevent a lot of hurt from happening. According to Cosmopolitan there are 7 stages to coping with a break-up. Hope this helps… They include: Denial, Anger, Sadness, Jealousy and Competitiveness, Apathy, Acceptance and Hope.
Too many times I’ve gone on dates just to hear that the guy is recently single. Although there is no time to get over your previous relationship, I am an avid believer that there’s a proper healing process. How does it feel to be the other wo(man)? I mean, to be the “NEW” wo(man) who is totally different from the previous one he/she dated for years: from their looks, the way they dress, their accent, their smile, their intellect, and the list goes on.
We wonder why we’re insecure at times, why we’re ready to run after the first red flag, and why we can even be competitive towards someone we don’t even know; It’s because sometimes the people we date aren’t ready. They’re not taking the time to LOVE themselves and to HEAL. So how can we expect them to show us the proper love WE need? Jumping to the next isn’t going to fulfill your needs, it isn’t going to mask the fact that you are hurting… and yes, it sucks, but what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger (cliche, but true). All this does is create a space for a rebound and/or friend with benefits.
Sometimes being the “other” is simply being with a woman/man who rushed themselves to move on from the pain that hasn’t been dealt with. For me- this is a red flag. I think it’s important that when we are being looked at, we aren’t being compared to or tweaked like their last. You are an individual, you are unique and no one in this world is like YOU!
Piece of advice
For those who are considered “the other,” listen to the signs. You’ll hear it in your conversations, you’ll feel the vibes and you’ll notice pattern changes. For those who are the ones not ready to move on…it is OK. Take the time to love yourself and love yourself well. All you’ll do is lead the RIGHT person wrong, get their hopes up and most of all, hurt them.