Hot topic? Yep, let’s talk about it.
From having moments of listening to “Can’t Raise a Man” by K.Michelle to “Stay” by Sugarland, it’s reminded me that I seem to welcome”troubled” men. Not purposely, but hey, being a “therapist” for people tends to be the trend for me. Be a shoulder to cry on they say. Have an open ear they say. Listen with a heart they say. Well, I say “RUN.”
There’s nothing wrong with having a good heart or empathizing with others. The problem lies where many of us (myself included) want to “help” and be there for people. The dangerous part is not by intent, but encouraging the opportunity for someone to use you and strip your kindness away. Eventually one gets tired and it’s down hill from there. What’s that “thing” that allows you to listen to a song over and over again? oh, yea, REPEAT… So….it doesn’t go well with one person, what happens next? You try again, same story different person. Again, REPEAT. This is the cycle some of us can’t break. It’s called ” Good heart syndrome.”
We all attract different kinds of people. For example, I attract men who are either still dealing with the pain of a breakup, just became single and/or men who don’t want anything but “friendship.” What a waste of time right? Exactly. It took me a while to understand why I attract those kind of men. I’m nice, caring, loving, selfless, great listener and hell… a hopeless romantic. It’s definitely beneficial to a person who only wants your “friendship,” but with the extra perks of course (wink wink).
So how does one not get caught up in a cycle of becoming the BAIT ? Being vigilant from the beginning of getting to know someone. Ask the proper questions that will get to the bottom line of what the other person is wanting and be clear of what you want. The tricky part is actually listening to what they want, even when they say… “JUST a FRIEND.” Don’t think for one second that you’re special enough to change their mind (I have done this and have failed every time). Listen and walk away, save yourself the trouble of getting disappointed.
If you find yourself in a “just friends” situation, believing that it could be more, take a look at the hints you are given. Some example of hints that you may hear or have heard are: you’re a great listener, I can always count on you, you’re such a great friend, i enjoy our friendship, I don’t see you like that….Hell anything that has those words “friends” in a sentence. My advice…. Don’t waste your time.
You are beautiful and kind.