Chapter 7- CAUGHT RED HANDED

He really screwed up this time!!!

Marc wasn’t too excited about me going out of the city without him, yet alone, the country. It was June of 2016 when I went to Honduras to visit family (after 10 years of not going) and felt the peace and happiness I longed for. I spoke to Marc here and there since I wasn’t around WIFI to call him freely, without being charged. While away, he tried giving me a hard time, but my spirit was calm and I was not concerned about how he felt. FINALLY! It took me going away and seeing a different lifestyle I could have to finally stop allowing him to dictate my life.

My vacation came to an end.

Once I got home, I knew Marc would want to see me and of course I had to go to his house because he wasn’t allowed over mine. We planned a date night the same day I landed back home in Houston. Unfortunately, I got sick and we have to postpone the date. Friday came and I was mellow about going out since I knew I’d be going “half” on our DATE. I called Marc to check and see if we were still on. A few calls later he finally responded and claimed that he was with his daughter and they were tired. Fishy huh? That’s what I thought; I said, “So are we not going out anymore?” He got super angry because I was apparently being selfish. So I apologized and told him not to worry, that we could go another day. BUT, I also let him know I was going out to dance with some friends (I knew he wouldn’t go for that). We argued for hours until finally he told me to get ready that we were going out. I expressed that I didn’t want to anymore, but THEN I was told I was being EXTRA and to hurry up and get ready.

Once I and I did say I…. went to pick HIM up after our long drawn out argument, my stomach was turning and I had a gut feeling he was up to no good. Marc got in my car and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “I don’t know what you’re up to or doing, but I have a feeling you’re NOT being loyal to me AND when I find out, I’m leaving your ass for good.” Do you know what he told me? He said I was TRIPPIN like ALWAYS… anyways… we got to the bar and had a good time; mind you, Marc and I got along when we were drinking. Once the bar was closing, he said he could drive since I was intoxicated. As we drove back to his house at 2 in the morning, we had to stop at a nearby gas station (down the street from his house). Marc’s dumbass threw up all over MY steering wheel and driver side door. At this point I was livid, but I wanted to get him home so that I could head home myself. I drove, in his throw-up and gagged the whole way home.

Once we got to his house, he ran inside and finished what he started in my car. I got him settled in bed and water to drink, I decided to leave him so he could rest. The ONLY problem was…. he LOST my car key. Then there it was…. HIS PHONE….IN MY CAR… the one he ALWAYS faced down when I was around, the one he kept locked and the one he changed contact names so I didn’t know which female he picked up that time. My heart never raced so fast, other than the time I found out he got someone pregnant. I picked up his locked iphone and tried to unlock it (I didn’t succeed). Thanks to the missed call notification on his screen, I swiped left and called “CHELC”, who called 3 times after 1am.

As the phone rang, the other person on the other line answered so seductively.  I gathered any and every information I could from HER as I walked back to his room. She told me that they were dating and I expressed that we have been dating for almost 10 years. Once I made it to Marc’s bedroom, he went from passed out to ALERT in 2.5 seconds. Marc got angry and snatched his phone from me asking me WTF did I think I was doing… while throwing his phone across the bedroom. I thought to myself, “I’ve seen this pattern too many times.” I told Marc that “WE ARE DONE.” That wasn’t the first time I said that, so of course he didn’t believe me. In the mist of all the drama, I texted my brother to bring my spare key. As he waited outside for me, I wanted 1 more finally EXIT… I left with a BANG! literally. I punched the shit out of him on his nose. Boy did it feel good. By this time, I stormed out of his house and started yelling and screaming like a mad woman. I told my brother, “BRO! BRO! this dude cheated on me AGAIN bro!” It wasn’t funny then, but it is now. My brother replied, “Kim, stfu and get in the car before the neighbors call the police on you.” I got in and LEFT………

Lesson to learn

I’ve done enough reminiscing on why I was so lost and foolish, but the reality is … when you’re dealing with a person who is a manipulator, it’s hard if your mind isn’t strong enough to know how to deal with people like that. So my advice is to be kind to yourself, love yourself and know your worth. Secondly, follow your gut feeling. We have been blessed with that intuition. Thirdly, don’t play the break up game, because when you finally WALK, he/she won’t believe you.

You are beautiful inside and out.

-Kim

Chapter 6- Listen to my Cries

I cried for help in silence…

Some family members and friends would tell me, “Kim, you’re too beautiful for him.” Some would say, “What are you doing with him?” Honestly, I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew he wasn’t right for me. I knew he wasn’t the man (boy) I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I tried picturing us with children and marriage, BUT couldn’t see it. He slowly became a routine. A toxic person in my life who was GREAT at manipulating and controlling situations.

Here I was, this insecure woman who was called all the names in the book from hoe to bitch. He changed me for the worse. I started attacking back and allowing myself to get out of character. I stopped allowing Marc to bring me down without a fight. I called him names on the daily and told him he ain’t shit, but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to be that mean person. I just had ENOUGH. So many nights I cried and would go about my day smiling because I was too embarrassed to let anyone know how hurt and stuck I was. I know what you’re thinking, ” He didn’t hold a gun to your head. So why not leave?” Well, the answer is: he didn’t hold a physical gun to my head. It was more of a mental thing. Think about it this way… He planted a seed in my head to have me think that I wasn’t good enough and no one would want me, but him.

I prayed many nights; for years, asking God to save our relationship. I never understood why Marc couldn’t be loyal to me or why I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. There I was accepting and loving his child out of infidelity, helping him financially, accepting all of his flaws and then some. I KNEW I was a good woman! FINALLY, after years and years of betrayal, I changed my prayer and asked GOD to remove Marc from my life. All the signs were there, I just needed that push.

Slowly, Marc started to notice that I didn’t want to be bothered with him. I’d find reasons to be busy, I didn’t want to be touched, picked up shifts at work, deleted his pictures on my instagram and I finally started going out with friends more although, this started many fights and accusations. Once upon a time, Marc had a hold on me. The table was finally about to turn.

Lesson to be Learned

Sometimes we think that we can change a person or they’ll learn to appreciate us, but in reality, dealing with a person who is a manipulator or grew up on survival rather than love won’t open their eyes to see how AMAZING WE/YOU are. No matter what you’ve accepted from them, they will remain selfish. I hate that saying, “through thick and thin.” You can probably see why. I used to believe in that saying until there were way too many “THICKS.” NOTHING and I mean NOTHING THICK is worth your dignity and your self-love/worth. Love yourself first! Know your worth! Listen to the signs and open your eyes.

You are beautiful inside and out.

-Kim

Chapter 5- He Fled the Scene

Finally! My “Chance” to get away!!!

Marc choked. Not literally (secretly wishing he did at that time), but metaphorically. He couldn’t take it, so he bought a ticket to California. Before he purchased his one way ticket, we discussed him visiting family for two weeks only. Well, what a shocker right? He stayed the whole summer and then some. One night, two nights, three nights, four… I cried myself to sleep and the only thing that helped was drinking and going out. Here I was, still living in the dark, filled with hatred and hurt. The only thing running through my head was, “how could he just leave me AND his baby?” He fell into depression and vanished, but what about me? What about how I felt? At this point I was FINALLY turning 21. Let me back up some….Marc was very jealous of me having male friends, so in order to keep the peace, I stopped ALL communication with ALL my guy friends.

I ran into an old friend, someone I was friends with before getting into that toxic relationship. We’ll call him “Chance”. Chance was the sweetest guy EVER! The guy who worked so much, but made time to see me and meet me for lunch every moment he could. Chance was just that… My “CHANCE.” I was so lucky to have him in my life all over again. When he got off from working overnight, I’d go and lay in bed with him, while he slept throughout the day. While he was at work we’d talk and text until I fell asleep. The most memorable moment I have of Chance was him driving 45 minutes, from work, on his “lunch break” just to come give me a hug and a kiss. Again, I FINALLY got my “CHANCE”.

Periodically, Marc would call me and I wouldn’t answer because I was finally moving on, or at least I thought I was. Chance and I would bring up the idea of us making it official, but I wasn’t ready. I was still hurting and I still cried many nights. I needed closure, but how? By this point, after Marc left me messages and called me for money… AND NO, I didn’t give it to him- ha, I broke it off with him verbally. I finally felt special. My friends loved Chance and my parents liked him, but they always have. Remember, I’ve known Chance for a long time.

Here I was, given a second “CHANCE” and Marc calls me apologizing and tells me that he wants to make it work. I know… I know…I screwed up. Once Marc came home, he knew something wasn’t right, I was acting odd. He asked me did I or was I having relations with someone else. I lied. I wasn’t honest because of the fear I had of him and what he was capable of doing. I finally confessed after being interrogated. A few days went by and my conversations with Chance minimized. I finally vanished and stopped answering his calls. I didn’t know how to tell him that I was going to try to work things out with Marc and that he found out about “US”.

For years, Chance was ALWAYS the topic of discussion. Marc would call me names and made me feel like I did something wrong. Yet here he was with a baby that wasn’t mine, who I finally accepted and grew to love. Our fights could have been about something so small and he’d explicitly tell me to go “fuck” Chance (pardon my french). I put up with the verbal and mental abuse for about two more years before I became verbal and even physical.

I had my CHANCE. He looked for me. He asked my friends about me. He even dropped off flowers at my job (which I don’t even remember this one). I ALWAYS thought of him for years and years. Before I got the “chance” to even give him the answer to his question, I left him hanging. His question was…. “DO YOU EVER SEE YOURSELF LOVING ME?”

LESSON TO LEARN

First off, if someone is that jealous of you having friends of the opposite sex, that’s a trust issue or even better, that’s a SELF issue. He/she is probably not the healthiest person to date and/or they’re just not being loyal themselves. Secondly, drinking alcohol excessively is not your answer to ANYTHING. Please get the proper help that you need. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for it. The first step is admitting that you have a problem. Thirdly, don’t play with people’s feelings. Take time to heal before jumping into the next “relationship/situationship.”

You are beautiful, inside and out.

-Kim

 

 

Chapter 4- It’s a GIRL!!!

If you thought the last chapter was bad, just wait….

You may have had rough patches in your relationship or it is/was smooth, but for me… *ish was always rocky. No matter what turn I made, dating Marc was like being in an on and off again traffic. I never knew when things would just sail smoothly. I was 20 when I got the news… let me back up some.

At 20 years old, I worked at Target with my mom, in a different department. I made some pretty cool friends and I enjoyed working there. It was my escape from my reality. One day, some of my work friends were being very distant and I knew something was wrong, but wasn’t sure what. I had this weird feeling that I was coming up in conversations. You know that feeling? Especially when people keep looking at you.

A few days went by and TA-DA!!! My name was traveling around Target, and fast. My mom broke the news to me after she got off from work one night… a rumor that Marc got someone PREGNANT!!! How embarrassing was that? How embarrassing is that? My own mother knew the rumor before I did. So you can imagine how I felt, all the emotions running through my body and soul. It was late at night when I called Marc and asked him, “Did you get someone pregnant?” He and I fought and yelled and FINALLY… he confessed that he “heard” that some female was saying it was his baby, but he wasn’t sure. The natural thing to do is to hang up AND that’s exactly what I did. This was the first time, as an adult that I cried like a baby . As my phone was ringing over and over, my mom was holding me and crying with me. Every inch of my body was weak and I was hurting. I can’t even remember how long I cried for. I told Marc, we were done.

Days went by, I was weak and disgusted. Marc called me over and over again, popped up at my house and begged for forgiveness. Secretly, I took him back. I was embarrassed. My mom already said that she did NOT want him at her house. My mom always knew Marc wasn’t the one for me. She expressed her worries and I knew she was right, but I wanted to see the good in him. I wanted to make US work. Marc claimed that it was a one night stand, but reminiscing on his patterns, it wasn’t.

Marc hid so many things from me when dealing with the other woman, but what hurt was the fact that he couldn’t even tell me that he was there; in the delivery room. Not only that, but he never bothered to get a DNA test. Here I was, broken, suicidal and lost. I couldn’t grasp the fact that someone I loved could stab me in my back. My mind was all over the place and I started to think the most evil things I never even thought of. Every baby I saw in public made me sick to my stomach. I wondered if “that” was “his” baby. I wanted the WHOLE situation to go away. I knew it was wrong to think that way, so I prayed and prayed for forgiveness. I wasn’t ready to meet his daughter (I met her when she was 9 months old). I hated her, I hated her mother and I hated him, but… still yet, I stayed.

Lesson to learn

For those who are experiencing a similar situation or can relate, please WALK… there is nothing good coming from your relationship after this point. Not only because of him/her, but because YOU will never be the same THERE. Surround yourself around positive people, practice your faith and occupy your time with something of value. You are worthy!

For those on the other side of the fence; one thing I learned, from my own experience is that people make their own decisions and “WE” have to let people learn from their own mistakes. Just be a shoulder to lean on when they need you. Don’t tell someone they’re stupid or they can do better. 9 times out of 10, we (including the old me) know this. WE just don’t know our worth yet.

You are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out.

-Kim

 

Chapter 3- Interference

His mom broke CODE!

I know, I know… you’re already screaming at the old me…so am I!

Did you ever pop up at your boyfriend/girlfriend’s house? Trust issues right? I had them AND dating Marc NEVER made me feel secure. The first time I popped up at his house was the night I should have left his ass alone. I had a key to his house (ladies, this does NOT make you special!), so of course I used it. There she was, his “EX”, at his house spending quality time with his mom in her bedroom. The only person missing was HIM. Of course I asked “Ummm, who are you?” she smirked and said, “I’m Marc’s girlfriend.” When I say that my heart jumped out of my chest, as I looked at his mother in disgust because she did NOT say a word, BUT for that one moment I thought with my head and made a petty decision. I told the girl I was pregnant and watched her cry; problem was, she didn’t care enough because she still came around, even after I verbally fought and expressed to Marc and his mother that it was disrespectful that she continued to come around. I’ve never been a fighter, always a lover, but one day I wanted to do something nice by bringing Marc breakfast and guess who I see? HER. Her smirk literally made my skin crawl, ugh. There she was standing outside talking to his mother, AGAIN. I parked my car so fast and headed their way. His mom had to hold me back because I finally was about to whoop a chicks ass (I didn’t get a chance to).

In front of me, Marc made it clear to “HER” that they were/been done. Of course it didn’t end so breezy with her. She called, cried and called some more. The feeling of betrayal was immense and the first of many.

Marc wanted his entrée, cake and all of the above. I knew this, but I thought I could change him. That maybe… if he saw how invested I was and how loyal I was, he’d come around. From fights (physically, mentally and emotionally) to making up, I always felt an emptiness. A couple of years passed by and there was always “someone” calling his phone and texting him at all times of the night. I knew better. Especially when his bedroom phone would be off the hook.

We barely went on dates, unless I whined, but that meant it was on my dime majority of the time. Side note- for every dollar I spent on our outings, gifts and “dates” I’d be rich by now, but no sense in reminiscing on that.  I’m still broke lol. All Marc wanted to do was play video games and eat. Marc was definitely a boy, BUT… STILL, I stayed.

Learn from Me

Believe in red flags. Don’t ever feel that there isn’t a way out. I didn’t know my worth, I didn’t know how to be without him and he reminded me that I needed him everyday. Not only by words, but by his actions. Don’t allow ANYONE to manipulate you or your mind. I share my story with you so that you know, you’re NOT alone! I lost relationships with friends, lied to them and my family because I was ashamed of who I had become. I was weak. I was lost and I was hurting.

Stay tuned for the next chapter and as always, thank you for reading. You are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out.

– Kim

Chapter 2- Senior Year

I met the love of my life!

It was senior year (class of 2008), second semester; Myspace was “poppin” and I was on “Marc’s” top 5. I was introduced to Marc by a mutual guy friend. It was perfect, my best friend at the time was talking to “him” and so what the heck. That’s when my best friend DARED me to “talk” to Marc, so I did. Marc picked me up from my house and took me out on our first date (to the movies- I don’t advise anyone making this a first date). My experience was dull and I was ready to go home. Once the movie was done, we went back to his house.

The first sign to a troubled start, was when he didn’t introduce me to his family that were standing in the kitchen. I walked in BEHIND him as he sped off to his bedroom. I stopped in shock and introduced myself. In my mind I said “I guess some of us come from a different cloth.” That night was a total drag. I thought to myself “Lord, I am so happy to be home.”

Weeks went by and TA-DA! I get a text from Marc… and the rest was history. Instead of reading the signs, I tested the water. He was different, he was cute and what I didn’t know was that he was a player. I fell in “love”. The signs were there, but I was too blind to see.

We were 17 and 18, didn’t really need to be out in the real world. Our world revolved around school, friends and each other. When people say “women grow faster than men,” believe it. In my case, it was so true. We were opposites. He was my project. I wanted to better him and that was my focus. So for the next 9 1/2 years, I vowed to do so- through thick and thin… He was the love of my life, or at least I thought so.

–Kim

Chapter 1- The Beginning

It all started with the love from my dad…

My dad has always been a hard working man. The only thing I longed for were those sweet words, “I love you.” I grew up in a two parent household, a pretty healthy one at that, but… there goes that BUT again… I needed to hear those words from my daddy. He has never been an emotional person, which was harder for me to accept back then, but it was the beginning of a battle I fought within.

My first “real” boyfriend, we’ll call him Tom, I met my 10th grade year. It lasted maybe three months before I found out he cheated on me. This was my first heartbreak. The boy told me he loved me and of course we’d be together forever. As any young lady would, I believed him. I held onto those words because I needed to hear it, I wanted to hear it. I look back and wonder why the hell was I dating him? What did I see in him? and what did he bring to the table? I mean, I was only in the 10th grade– what the hell did I even have to offer? lol

The lesson and the words I learned from good ‘ol Tom was… “You can love somebody and not be with them.” Still til this day, I use his quote. Thank you Tom for your kind words (in the most “sarcastic” way). Lesson learned? Not just yet….

Sincerely,

Kim